In It For the Long Run

There is less than a week to go and I know for me personally this has been an amazing month in SO many ways.  I've personally experienced some highs and lows but have gained so much in trying hard to be the wife my husband needs.  I've realized that sometimes when you are trying the hardest, you also fall the hardest because your letting down all of the guards that have kept you from reaching as far as you could.  All of this is to say, that last week was one of those weeks for me!!  It was such a catch 22 in that I had to let go of the thing that was helping me keep my focus so that I could... focus on the goal of loving my husband!  This was so from the Lord because I was getting caught up in the 'month of love' that I lost sight of the fact that this is Not meant to be temporary but Permanent.  Once the 28 days are up, this doesn't mean I go back to the old naggy wife routine.  No, I want to continue to be my husband's helpmate, his greatest encourager and supporter, his best friend, his soulmate designed specially for him. There is nothing but goodness here, we are giving glory to our Lord and Savior, we are a testimony to others and let's not forget the positive effects that we will see in our husbands....Wow!  It can ONLY get better.  So I want to encourage you all to look back at this month so far, at the changes you've made mentally and emotionally and even physically through your actions by putting him first.  He may not have noticed very much but have you noticed?  Are you seeing ways that when you put in that extra effort you get a lot more out of it? Let's keep that going in these last few days and let us not be afraid to step out of the box and reach a little farther because it is so worth it!!  Trust me!

-Nicole

Great Expectations

"Marriage is great when two people enter into it with a mutual commitment to keep it strong no matter what. But often a couple will have preconceived ideas about who the other is and how married life is supposed to be, and then reality hits...You have to continually PRAY that any unreal expectations be exposed and all incompatibilities be smoothed out so you grow together in a spirit of unity, commitment and a bond of intimacy. Pray that your marriage is a place where two agree so God will be in the midst of it (Matthew 18:19-20)." -Chapter on Marriage from "Power Of A Praying Wife"

I think the last two sentences have really hit home for me with the most intensity these past weeks. MY expectations have always been a mood KILLER in my marriage and one of Scott's biggest frustrations in trying to live up to them. Poor guy!

Since this challenge started, my focus has shifted from my expectations to focusing on my husband. It has been such a breath of FRESH AIR to us both. In fact, this past Valentine's day was the best we have had since before we were married! We had a blast from the beginning of the day to the very end and it all came down to the fact that I went into the day NOT EXPECTING ANYTHING!! So every little hug, every extra moment of tender time together was a bonus to me! I can't express to you what a joy it was to us both to go on a date and not get irritated, or frustrated with the other person. It was AWESOME! It will be a Valentine's Day I will always remember, not because of flowers, cards, candy or a catered meal, but because I enjoyed every moment for what it was...time to love and be loved by my man!

Figuring Life Out - One Thousand Gifts

"Friends Are Friends Forever"

Yesterday on the prayer calendar we were to pray for our husbands relationships. Reading in the portion in the book "Power Of A Praying Wife" was an encouragement to me in realizing the value of our external relationships with people outside our marriages. As I read, it occurred to me what an amazing blessing we have been given through the focus our church has on fellowship and family. Here is a portion taken from the chapter on Relationships:

"Isolation is not healthy. We all need the influence of good people to keep us on the right path. Every married couple should have at least two strong believing couples with whom they can share encouragement, strength, and the richness of their lives. Being around such people....is fulfilling and it helps us keep perspective when things seem to grow out of proportion. Having the positive qualities of other people rub off on us is the best thing for a marriage."

I have seen the benefits of such "relationships" first hand and have experienced the "rubbing off of positive qualities". Scott and I have even been our way to a friends house and been in an argument, gotten there and ended up enjoying our time immensely and left feeling connected and happy with each other. Remarkable!

Maybe a challenge for this week or in the upcoming week could be to make time to get together with another couple and enjoy some encouraging fellowship...maybe even spur each other on a bit in the process! How blessed we are that God gave us the ability to "meet together with one another in love"!

Attitude of Gratitude

I have been thinking a lot about my attitude towards Aaron. A lot of times, I can get very discontent with myself or circumstances around me (like money, busy schedules, being tired) that I'm completely blinded to what Aaron's needs are or caring for him how I should be. I think women in general have to guard their minds as well as their hearts from negativity and complaining. I'm speaking to myself also as I write this! I constantly have to keep my focus on the Lord and the eternal value of what I do/feel each day because it's easy to turn the focus back on myself and let my heart get hard. I believe God wants us to replace negativity with gratitude. We are saved by His grace which is a far bigger gift than I can ever fathom, and we have husbands who are such a blessing and are chosen by our all-knowing Creator himself, not to mention all the many blessings we are surrounded with and take for granted every day. It's also very needed to tell your husband consistently how thankful you are for him, who he is and what he does for you. I have been trying to work on this so far this month, and I feel like I fail far too much. But, I try to start with checking my heart and making sure I replace discontentment with gratitude, then it's easier to a positive attitude overflow to my husband and Keagan. Aaron definitely reacts in a positive way when I greet him with a smile, hugs and kisses or grateful encouragement. A positive attitude also has a huge impact on all the areas of oneness that Lev has said 1 Corinthians teaches us to have in our marriages. I think this could stretch into all areas of my life besides just my marriage, but it's a good place to start. I'm also trying to be more calm during "discussions" or conflicts that we have and not just assume that what I'm thinking is right. I think I will be battling my negative attitudes for the rest of my life, but with God's help, he can help me overcome Satan's lies that my desires are more important than what God wants or more important than caring for those around me, especially Aaron. Please keep me accountable to this. I need all of your help!

Philippians 2:5-8

"Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:
Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death- even death on a cross!"

James 6:8-10

"The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers."

-Mikaela

L-O-V-E

Hey GAC Ladies,

Nicole asked me to share some thoughts with you that she and I have shared together, since we’ve started this little love challenge.  When I began the love challenge I was trying to think of some really great things to do for Aaron in the month of February that would really show him just how much I love, respect and appreciate him.  I had thought about packing him nice lunches, giving him cards and notes of encouragement, making him coffee every morning, making a special dinner including all of his favorites, and one of his favorite things would be a nice long neck and back rub.  These are all acts of love that I know he would really appreciate and really enjoy, but they are things that I only do about once a year.  So here we are 10 days into this challenge and I haven't even done one of these!  At the end of each day I feel like I am really failing in my intentions and as usual I am letting everything else (kids, pets, other family members, friends, the computer and laziness) come before my husband.  The only thing I HAD been doing each day is showing him more love than usual, mostly in the way of hugs, kisses and physical touch.  Now I know my husband likes these things, but I didn’t actually think they would be on the top of his list, they certainly weren’t on the top of mine for what would show the MOST love.   I also didn’t think it would catch his attention as much as it did.  Well, to my surprise, a few days into the challenge Aaron had thanked me for how loving I had been with him.  This caught me off guard so much that I couldn’t quite grasp his sincerity.   So after hearing his praise I was thinking that was really nice, but now I am going to REALLY step it up and get started on the list of things I thought I would do for him.  Then last night, 9 days into the challenge some of the ladies from small group and I were sharing how our experiences are going with the challenge.  After hearing some of the things the other ladies had been doing, I again felt a bit like a failure. I have not gone above and beyond and to me that is what I should be doing in this love challenge.  So I thought again, I have to step it up and do some of these things I set out to do in the beginning.  Well to my surprise I sat down this morning to check my email and there was an email from Aaron titled: I LOVE YOU.  I am going to add parts of his email because it is just easier than me trying to retype his words, I cut a little out from the email because it is a little personal :)..........

 Hi Babe,

 Before I get wrapped up into my day and all the chaos of customers, I wanted to take a minute to tell you how much you mean to me.  I see how hard you’ve been trying to be a good wife to me the last week and it means the world.  What I desire most on this earth is your love and attention and you’ve been sooooo good at giving it to me that it makes all the other stuff seem so easy.  Sure, I want a clean house and all that stuff but the way you’ve been loving on me is so much more to me.  I also wanted to apologize for not being the Godly leader I need to be.  I really need to bring God back to the center of our relationship and I will be working on that.  I get frustrated sometimes when I don’t feel like you’re connecting with God but I know that a lot of that has to come from me..I need to lead in this regard and I’m sorry for falling short.

 All this to say…

 I love you sooo much and I miss you and I love the fact that I don’t want to come to work…I just want to be with you.  I miss you and can’t wait to see your pretty face again today!

 Have a great day!  I love you!

As I am rereading this I am a little embarrassed and shocked at myself to be sharing this with you because if it were any other group of women who didn’t know me as well as you, I would be afraid this would be taken in a boastful way, but I love and trust you all SO much!  With all of that being shared I just wanted to express how misaligned my own assumptions have been.  I really truly thought these big wonderful expressions would do a lot more than the lttle things and how wrong I was!  I know there have been times when I’ve been so unloving Aaron hasn’t wanted to be with me, so my littlest of actions have spoken volumes and not just to me but obviously to my man J It has also been such a great impact on him that it has convicted him to see his need for stepping up as a Godly leader  and I NEVER intended or expected that.  In fact, I could have nagged him to the point that he may have wanted to avoid me AND the Lord.  So on that note if you feel like the day has passed you by and you didn't have time to really do what you thought you would do for your hubby or maybe you were just in a bad mood and he may have noticed it, it's never too late to just love on him!  

~Kerry

(A More Real) Love Story

Dennis Swanberg - Bengy and the Zipper

Life is precious...

Sorry to bombard you with two posts today but I felt they were both SO important to share.  Many of you have probably heard about the man who was killed in the parking lot behind the forum yesterday morning.  This was such a tragic and horrible situation.  He was 33 years old with a wife who has been at home with their three young children, the youngest at a year old.  This has been on my mind relentlessly because all I can think about is his widow and their three children and the agony she is going through.  Another thought that struck my mind was how their night was the night before and if she had a chance to say 'I love you' or kiss him good-bye.  This brings tears to my eyes thinking about it because if I were in her shoes I would already be feeling SO many regrets.  It's probably obvious why I'm sharing this but its also a good reminder that needs to be brought up every so often, especially when the mundane starts to set in.  Imagine for a moment that God gave you a glimpse that your husband would be taken from this life and you could not see him again until Heaven -- how sad and desolate this life would be, but how much better would it be knowing that he knew how loved he was that you knew you gave him a good life as your wife and that your separation would only be momentary.  To send him off with a kiss and a heartfelt 'I love you' obviously doesn't make it any easier but knowing that you sent him out of this world with a full tank of lovin' WILL give you peace of mind down the road!  So love on your man like it's the last time you might see him -- not to tears (they don't like that all the time), but so he knows that there really is no one and no place out there better than what he's got. 

-Nicole

Rising Above

Well this was meant for yesterday, but unfortunately I didn't get a chance to post but I thought this would be a a good way to show how I'm not always perfect and consistent with my intentions either but it doesn't mean I'm going to quit, right? :)  Anyway, it was really on my heart yesterday as I was thinking of Iuliana and looking back to the study she help guide and lead, Every Woman's Marriage.  It was such a great time in see the vulnerability, honest and genuine characters of other women -- espcially our very own, Iuliana.  I have always admired her ability to really love on her husband Brett and I feel like I've gotten an insider's view of why her determination is so strong.  I think many of us can relate to this.  Iuliana has shared with several of us her tumultuous growing up in Romania with two parents who didn't exactly show love and support.  She has shared how this has affected her in so many ways and even more so in her own marriage.  She will be the first to admit and give examples of how she is not the perfect wife but what makes her so awesome in my book is that she is always trying and always willing to change so she can be the ultimate wife for her husband and I love that about Iuli.  There are other women like Aimee Meyer who have also shared some similar background and family scenarios that have made her so determined to not fall into the category of 'just another statistic' and I love the way she has inspired us through her REAL thoughts emotions and desires -- we need to keep this going.  Once again, I am SO humbled by the great women I'm surrounded by and I can't thank you all enough for being real, Christian women who want to live out God's will -- this is truly amazing!

Daily Encouragement: Be REAL with your husband -- let him know how God is working in you and how much you love him today!

-Nicole

Friend or Foe?

I was reflecting this morning on how we have all met our husbands in different ways -- some of us knowing the sensation of love at first sight while others of us had no intention of marrying these men let alone thinking that they could possibly have any interest in us or vice versa and therefore settling in for a good friendship.  In fond remembrance of the courtship stories I've heard from Claire Phelan and Amy Young, I am reminded of how important it is to be our husbands greatest friend and not their greatest foe.  We should be the person whom they can share their dreams and fears with (btw, 'His Fears' are on today's prayer calendar).They should be able to confide in us when they can confide in no one else.  Finally, they should be able to have fun with us, where they would actually prefer to be with us at a movie or concert, etc. than with anyone else.  I also have to mention, and I know they aren't married yet, Anna and Kevin -- what a great love story that has slowly unfolded over the last couple of years.  I think it is safe to say that many of our prayers were answered with that one because they got along too well not to be together, even the little annoyances they had in each other were too cute not to notice and now their friendship is blossoming into a happily ever after storyr.  Let's be that couple again and let's keep the happily ever after alive!  Let's be his friend and his lover, his drink of water after a long day of thirst. 

Daily encouragement:  Do something with your husband that you used to do when you were 'just friends' (playing scrabble, writing poems together, playing video games, going for a walk outside or at the Mall) -- or spend some shoulder to shoulder time with him, saying very little but being there (adding those precious smiles can make a difference in this one too!) Have a great second week, ladies!

Today, after I got back from Walmart, I decided I needed a "Good Life Rule #4"...which I promptly posted to facebook...Good Life Rule #4: Never ever go to Walmart the day before the Super Bowl. Especially when the Packers are playing ...and ESPECIALLY when the blizzard kept the trucks from delivering this week. Angry Cheeseheads @Walmart =YIKES!

The good thing about coming up with my "Good Life Rule #4" is that it reminded me of my "Good Life Rules #1, #2 & #3. (And since I just figured out this "post" thing, I thought it was time to share.)

Good Life Rule #1: Love

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind." -Matt. 22:37

"You are my Lord; Apart from You I have no good thing." -Ps. 16:2

Everything good and right in this life trickles down from this love. If this is right in my life I probably don't really even need any other life rules.

Good Life Rule #2: Forgive

"Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you."

-Ephesians 4:32

"I believed that if you were really in love and really soul mates, there would be this cosmic resonance, filled with huge chunks of agreement. What a crock! If only I'd known then that there are about three or four issues that are vital to life and about seven billion other details that don't really matter at all, I could have saved myself (and John!) boatloads of stress."

— Anita Renfroe

Good Life Rule #3: Pray

"For the sake of His great name the Lord will not reject His people, because the Lord was pleased to make you His own.

As for me, far be it from me that I should sin against the Lord by failing to pray for you.

And I will teach you the way that is good and right"

-1 Sam 12:22-24

"There is nothing that makes us love a man so much as praying for him." --William Law

"Is prayer your steering wheel or your spare tire?"-- Corrie Ten Boom

"Prayer does not fit us for the greater work, prayer is the greater work." --Oswald Chambers

As Mary Ellen already mentioned, "if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy" , whether we like it or not it's the way it is!

So we strive to Love and Forgive and Pray, to be the "therefore", ...giving our husbands the strength to say "I can present myself as a living sacrifice, acceptable to God which is my spiritual service of worship"

Illusions of Grandeur!

As is true with any challenge or race laid out before me...I start out strong, determined and with this grand illusion of great success, only to discover soon after the start of the journey, that it's called a "challenge" for a reason...cause it's stinkin HARD!

My illusions of grandeur and great success with this Love Challenge quickly faded to my dismay, as the epic snow storm rolled in this week, a head cold took residence in my body, and my little families needs overshadowed my quiet time of preparing my heart for 'service'. I have not followed the prayer calendar like I had hoped, not read the verses of encouragement given, and resorted to my old standby's of demonstrating 'love' to Mr. Warren instead of switching things up a bit.

But guess what....illusions aren't real....they're made up images in my mind of what I 'expect' something to be or turn out like. I have thought much about this and reviewed my week as Mrs. Warren and realized that I HAVE been more loving to my husband, he HAS seemed more at ease and happy, we HAVE been drawn together in joy more than normal, and our home IS a happier place. Why? Because even though my illusions were busted, I am still making more of an effort to serve my husband and put his needs above my own which means I am still in the race and I am still moving forward in this Love Journey! So I'm not giving up...I'm pressing on...and I pray you will too so we can cross that finish line together!

Prepare Your Man for Battle

I am not referring to the battle about who cleans up the kitchen or takes out the trash :) (we've all been there!)  But seriously ladies, our men are dealing with a worldly battle every time they step out our front doors, every time they turn on the tv and every time they use the internet.  They are constantly being exposed to so much exploitation of the flesh and other sexual temptations that it is ridiculous.  We, as women, are even affected by it as we constantly compare our own body images to the expectations of the world, to then be left with discontentment.  Unfortunately, the issues we are dealing with and what they are dealing with can even cause a wedge in our relationships, even more.  Satan is tearing people apart.  I hope we all have come to realize that our husbands would sacrifice their lives for us, they would throw themselves in front of a bullet or set out for bodily harm towards anyone attempting to hurt us.  So if they would go to battle for us, let's be able to prepare them for the battles they deal with every day in their personal walks.  Men and women have different biological needs when it comes to imtimacy -- we are more emotionally based and they are more physically based.  There have been times and will be times in our marriages where their needs for intimacy are much stronger than ours, but I strongly feel that when we do not set our husbands up for success in this area, we are letting them down.  By choosing their needs over our own in this area, we are choosing to give them a helmet and shield before battle.  We have to ask ourselves if we want to withhold this armor from these men who truly WANT to win the battle!  If any of you have husbands who participated in the Every Man's Battle book discussion, this is a great book for men and has really inspired me to be a better wife to my husband -- I'm not perfect, but definitely more aware of his needs.

Daily Encouragement: Prepare your man for battle!! :) 

Say Cheese.....

This morning I was imagining all of you great ladies in our church and how you all have influenced me in your walk for the Lord and the unique ways in which all of you have loved your husbands.  I hope to mention everyone at some point or another on this blog because I truly look up to all of you and have been SO inspired.  This morning I was specifically thinking of our very own Kerry Walling -- her life is to be admired in so many ways because she NEVER has a sour attitude -- she may complain but she always does it with a twinkle in her eye that I envy, she my think she worries too much but it is only because she is compassionate and cares so much for others.  Her and Aaron have had their shares of ups and downs and often times when I listen to her trials I can't help but admire her resilience, patience and unbelievable self-control -- it has taught me SO much because when I just want to be the fight and flight girl I am reminded of Kerry's perseverance in loving her husband, even through the hard times.  I would even like to be so bold as to say that her steadfast heart has probably made her husband a better man and THAT brings honor to the Lord.  Needless to say, Kerry would want me to make it very clear that she is not perfect and like many of us everyday is a work in progress!  But we can all share the joy of the everyday triumphs she has made to be a godly wife before the Lord!

Daily Encouragement:  I was reading in Shanti Feldman's book, For Women Only and I believe it is also mentioned in Every Woman's Marriage that men LOVE to see us smile, they like it more than any other feature on us because apparently not only does it make us look beautiful but it also radiates happiness -- their main goal for us!  So my challenge for you today (and I want to try this with Nathan when he comes home) is to smile at your husband and not just a quick turn of the mouth but an actual genuine smile -- a smile of longing and maybe even a staredown smile (the ones they often give us) as you think back to when you felt like the luckiest women in the world to be with this man when you could actually feel butterflies just by looking at him.  If he has an interesting response -- please share it with the rest of us, this could be quite interesting :)  So... say cheese today ladies!!!!

--Nicole

What show are you on?

I just want to say a big THANK-YOU to everyone who is actively participating -- this is wonderful and the feedback I have gotten from everyone is great!  Even though we are responsible for our own thoughts and actions to our husbands, this really is a GROUP effort!

Daily Encouragement:  This is inspired from Anita and a conversation that we had many many months ago and it has still affected me is such a great way.  She told me how frustrated it made her to watch certain sitcoms and even some children's books where they portray the husband in such a way to make him look like a 'bumbling idiot' most of the time.  The wives treat the husbands as if these poor guys know very little and the respect that is outwardly shown is non-existent.  To hear Anita talk about it is great because she gets SO passionate which is a justified attitude to take.  Do we honor our husbands?  Do we lift them up to the value that they are worth or are we merely on another sitcom show waiting for the laugh reel?  Thanks Anita for your inspiration! :)

"I will most gladly spend and be spent for you.
If I love you more, am I to be loved less?"
-- 2 Corinthians 12:15

Fill Up My Cup!

Life in all it's hectic and routine confusion can create a barrier between what I desire to do and what I actually end up doing. This "Love Challenge" has lit a fire in my heart and filled up my "Love Cup" to the point I am excited to think of how I can regain a God centered focus on Scott. How I can find a way to put him first, show him love, honor him in my prayers and encourage him with my words. In fact, I think I might have gotten a bit carried away today...I couldn't pick just one thing off the "28 Actions Of Love". I think I might have started out a bit too strong and rattled the pants off my husband (no pun intended) on Day 1.

The past few months have been draining for our family in many ways . I've been drained of incentive, motivation, desire, and service especially to my patient husband. I know my state of mind is unhealthy, and even destructive to the condition of my home. Scott and I always used to joke about the saying "Happy Wife, Happy Life"...but we really aren't joking any more, because we know the immense truth behind that simple statement.

By God's grace and gentle nudging I am slowly coming back to a state of mind centered on God's truth deeply engrained in me since youth, remembering I have a purpose, that I am called to love those around me unconditionally and most importantly, to honor, serve and respect my husband. It is NOT by chance, that God has laid it on Nicole's heart to launch a challenge focused on the very thing that I am in need of strengthening...showing my husband LOVE and RESPECT in my daily life! Day 2 HERE I COME!!!!

Keeping the focus....

It is day 1 and sometimes starting any endeavor is ALWAYS the hardest part.  Satan wants to get a foorthold in this but we can't let him -- keeping the focus is important which is why I chose this verse for our love challenge:

"Therefore, God's chosen ones,
holy and loved, put on heartfelt compassion,
 kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience."
-- Colossians 3:12

So every day, every moment and every second we have to put on these virtues or our attempts to be the wives we want to be, are merely in vain.

DAILY ENCOURAGEMENT: Start a personal 'list' journal and write down as many acts of love you can remember doing for your husband or even things he has done for you and then after February is over show the man of your life so that he can see your desire to love him.  I was thinking of this in contrast to the mental lists we often make of the wrongs he has done to us and the ways he is unloving and how we can never let it go.  Now as we LOVE on him, lets not let that go! Happy 1st day!!

--Nicole